January 23, 2008

Dejunk our Life Series

 

Colossians 3:20-21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children less they become discouraged.” 

 

License to Tell

 

In the family in which I was raised as compared to the family I raised there were many differences.   My Mom and Dad were like living on Olympus.  Everything was much more dramatic and flamboyant than life with my wife and daughters.  My parents were more like a banana split and Averette and I are like a bowl of vanilla low-fat ice cream. 

 

One similarity in both families is that everyone is loved.   My parent’s love for my sister and me was like fireworks on the 4^th of July.   Most days were like the most dramatic moments from the Academy Awards.  However, in the end my parents always said that they loved us.   There are seldom dramatic scenes at the home my wife and I attend to.   Every conversation, every good-bye is concluded with, “I love you” and “I love you back.”   

 

One of the great differences are the boundaries or lack of boundaries between parents and children.   My parents felt that loving their children gave them license to make any comment about how we lived.   Even through the adult life of their children, my parents and now my Mom, feels compelled to comment and give advice.  In their defense they feel that their love entitles them to direct their loved one’s lives.  My friend Matt Jones and I talked about this once.   He said, “Chip I don’t believe love entitles a family member to comment at will about a relative’s life.”  

 

Averette and I have chosen a more hesitant path in commenting on our children’s lives.   We have chosen to respect the boundaries of our adult children.   In loving your family you do not have license to comment on their lives.  It is not for us to pick their wardrobe, boyfriend, or tell them what they need to do about any aspect in their lives unless they ask our opinion.     

 

In loving our families we must think about what we say to them.  Many times relationships are seriously hurt by the intrusion into our children’s lives as they move through their adult years.  Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers do not provoke your children less they become discouraged.”  The last thing as parents we want to do is to hurt our children.  When they are small we have responsibilities to set limits.  It is hard for us as they grow to realize the need to respect their own personal integrity rather than continue as we did when they were small children.  

 

Prayer:

Dear God, help me not to tell everyone what we think.   Help me to put my faith at work through the words that we say.   Amen.