Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Unconditional Love
Series
John 13:36 “Lord, where are you
going?”
The
Growing up
in the church as a child I developed a strong faith. By the time I
was fourteen my theological outlook was in place. From the ages of
fourteen to forty-four my life reinforced my theology. I believed if
I set my heart on God I would truly be blessed. That reflects basic
Jewish theology that taught if you followed God nothing truly bad would happen
to you. My life moved like a well rehearsed play. I went to
college, theology school, married Averette, and had three beautiful
children. My career was idyllic. I served in a
small church for five years, was an Associate Pastor at First Methodist in
In some respects if I had died at the age of forty four
my life would have been a neat package all tied up in a bow. My
basic adult theology would never have been tested. However, I did
not die, my faith was tested, and I developed a completely new understanding of
God. My previous relationship with God was, I think, somewhat
impersonal and I underestimated God’s grace and my great need for Him in my
life.
In June when I was forty four years old, I was running
in Spanish Fort Estates when everything changed. In a split second
my mostly perfect life shattered. By August I was in rehab and
had experienced a huge heart issue, two surgeries, and a stroke. My
athletic ability seemed completely wiped out. My physical life looked as
though I would be impaired and my intellectual abilities of an amassed knowledge
and personal memories had been greatly blotted from my mind. To make
matters worse, I shortly thereafter had to deal with what seemed to be an
insurmountable rejection. In my mind my long standing popularity and
good name had been scared through the rejection of others.
In the wake of those hard realities I discovered a new
depth of God’s love. I came to know that God’s love for me was more
than a response to my personal gifts and abilities. I learned
through experience that God loved me as a physical and emotional wreck with the
theology of my faith in tatters. I came to love God in a way I never
imagined. My love for God completely changed and I discovered the
all sufficiency of a deep and abiding love in Him.
People describe me before these events as being one kind
of person. Afterward, as I moved past those years, I more and more became
another. I found my faith deeply personal. My confidence in
God, beyond my own abilities and confines, colored my heart with an array of new
hues. I discovered how much God loves me and I love Him.
The neat package of my life was forever broken yet, my complacent heart was
opened and forever filled with the shear magnitude of loving God. In
the succeeding years I have discovered God’s unconditional love for me. In
brokenness I found God in a way that without its scars I would have never
known.
I believe God has forgiven me for the limited palette of
my life.
Prayer:
Dear God, help me to love you. Amen.